Let’s get it on with the whole good and evil thing. Everybody should dress up in a cape like Evil Knievel and turn on the tv and sit there and veg out on all the blood curdling violence going on in the world. We should turn this into a ritual in which we all salivate and smack our lips while we wring our hands and hunch up our shoulders waiting for the next big shoe to drop. Will Iran nuke Israel? Will Obama hand the nuclear codes over to al Qaeda? Will China become the next world superpower? Will Bill Gates become worth a trillion dollars? Will pigs and goats fly? And can get into a machine that will take me back in time? All these questions need answers, and so my advice to everyone is that we all need to just throw up our hands and give it up for Armageddon.

Fuck yeah, let’s sit in our living rooms and watch shit get blown up and then eat popcorn as we check out which one of the wounded are staged and which ones are for real. After all, everybody is getting into this whole roller coaster ride and so you have to be careful to look for impostors. Only the serious-minded should bother signing up for this detail, because we’re talking the end of the world as we know it here. This is some heavy duty shit we’re talking about.

We’re going to have to do something or else our modern day prophet of doom, Al Gore, has insisted that if good doesn’t overturn evil in a really big hurry then a big piece of the Antarctic is going to float out to sea and park itself next to the Golden Gate Bridge. Oh great, another instance of California doing what it does best – creating theme parks based upon mythological events. If global warming doesn’t hurry up and get on board with the end of the world that humans are already knee deep into, then by golly people are going to float a fake chunk of ice out for everyone to make believe that it’s real anyway. How dare we let Al Gore become old and senile before Armageddon takes place. No wonder he always seems to be dressing in black. He’s Dr. Doom himself.

But I say fuck it. Let’s get on with this. If the ice shelves don’t melt faster then we ought to nuke them. Blow the shit out of them just to prove the point that we’re all absolutely 100% correct in our thinking so that heaven forbid we have to admit that the almighty lamestream media hoodwinked and bamboozled us to the point where this has become the main environmental concern of the president-elect (gasp). Yes, I say let’s do everything in our power to bring about the end of days. Hell, the Jews and the Arabs are trying to make it happen. The United States and Iraq and Afghanistan to name a few are working hard on it. Russia and Iran think they have the answer. And China seems to always sit there like a smart ass Buddha thinking that it has the right answers all the time. Everybody seems to think they have the keys to heaven and earth. Everybody is literally killing one another to find out who is going to be the first one to come back down on a fiery chariot to tell us all about it.

Bullshit is what I say. Fuck all these religious cocksuckers, and I don’t care which religions I offend by saying this either. They are all a bunch of kooks who don’t know their ass from a hole in the wall. They couldn’t rub two nickels together to save their lives if it weren’t donated to them by people who work their ass off. I say hand over all the nukes you can find to the most ridiculous religious zealots you can find and then get the hell out of their way and let them kill each other. I’ll definitely tune in to that show, because something tells me I’ve already been looking at it all along. This war on terror is nothing more than good people trying to stop bad people from blowing themselves up. What could be more absurd? I would actually be in favor of a government program to teach them how to blow themselves up. Think of it as higher education program in which higher doesn’t necessarily connote a level only achievable on earth.

Why can’t Jews be content to just live with the Arabs? Is the animosity they share for one another so great that they can’t make up their minds that they have one single solitary thing in common? I don’t think so. And why can’t terrorists be given a federal bailout instead of these rich bankers and industrialists here in the U.S. who seem to always dream up new and improved ways to fuck the taxpayer? The bailout to terrorists should come complete with strap on suicide belts and special industrial strength sharp swords. Let them go and kill one another to their heart’s delight, but why on earth do the so-called “good people” have to be the ones to go fight the “evil” ones? What’s up with this good vs. evil thing anyway?

Even if good people fought harder against people who think that hurting people is fun and glorious, then as the experts have all warned us there will be a new crop of assholes that we have to go find and kill. This is going to be a constant battle unless we bring it to a head by either going after these crazy religious nut jobs who incite people to the point of bloodthirsty mania, or else given them everything they need to blow themselves all up to kingdom come. I actually prefer the latter to the former because I don’t see an end to this war any time soon, and frankly the whole Armageddon thing sounds like it is pure bullshit. Good and evil will be pitted against one another forever and ever and ever. Even if Iran nukes Israel then a whole new crop of Jews will eventually give it one more shot at creating the State of Israel. Maybe that’s the whole deal with the coming of the messiah after all, which is that humans don’t have the capacity to understand how to bring about perfection on earth. No wonder there is so much trouble in the Holy Land. The only thing is half of the people think that the violence marks the end of something, and the other half think that the violence there is leading toward the beginning of something. I don’t know about what you believe, but heads or tails means that everybody loses because you still need to flip the coin again to keep the game going.

And yes, let’s not forget the almighty media’s role in all of this, which is to keep the pot stirred and the flames under it high as they can be. Let’s show all the blood and guts because that’s the way we define ourselves as people. We are ritually observing our animal nature in full frontal ludicrousness. We are being suckered into believing that because of the might of those who are good then evil ones will fail. Maybe not now but later on they will, and then later on after that, and after that, and so on and so forth. Finally, we simply become old and gray and watch in amazement that battles that were promised to us years ago would be the last ones to be fought are being fought once more. At that point we are simply speechless and succumb to what is best described as lapses of reaction where we simply cannot believe that at one time or another we actually fell for this shit in the first place.

Now, I’m not saying that bad asses don’t need to be dealt with. But what I am saying is that when somebody needs to take care of some evil piece of shit, the very best thing to do is to sneak up on the bastard in the middle of the night and whoop his ass so bad that he’ll think twice about doing it again. No cameras should be present. The whole thing should take no more than 10 minutes. In and out. Quick. But for goodness sakes, this parade of gore that is on tv now is nothing more than an endless procession of ritual hellfire and damnation routines that are not only boring as hell but really don’t have me convinced that they are worth anybody’s time paying attention to.

Let the believers believe all day long that they have the answers, and they can pull all the PR stunts they want to try to prove it to me. The bottom line is that faith is a deeply private matter, and the sensationalized way in which the media has jumped on the good and evil bandwagon is nothing short of despicable. People should not be encouraged to fight over right and wrong, good and evil, or what kind of drugs they had to give those kids to sing in those Oscar Meyer Weiner commercials. How embarrassing it must be to have to look back and kick yourself in the ass for looking like a damn fool. All we’re saying is that it doesn’t have to be like this, and the first way to change the world is by ignoring all these religious zealots and their media lap dogs who got us into this mindset in the first place. I say, if they really want to have a ratings extravaganza and pull out all the stops and have the war to end all wars then they should be able to go for it.

-TDN

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 6th, 2009 at 05:58 and is filed under Free Speech. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.