Oh my God, it is as though there was a visitor from another planet who just happened to be taking in summer in (of all places) America. And then of course since aliens can just pick up and go anywhere magically as though jet airplanes are some prehistoric dinosaur from eons ago, they do just that. And they go from having summer in America to a nice warm Chinese welcome. And the people are working and they have smiles on their faces and so on and so forth. It’s just halfway around the world, and suddenly in that amazingly quick alien brain that we all wish we had, they remember that really America and China are now best friends. It’s because of something earthlings refer to as ‘money’.
And of course since aliens don’t really know about money – hmm, let’s see it must have come into play during the bronze age or something prehistoric like that. But . . . wait the great alien brain has determined that money was this thing that everybody wanted to be able to print, but only a select few got to do it. Aw shucks, there goes the whole thing right there because to the alien brain this concept is nothing more than a bunch of self-appointed people to positions of mass earthling mind control. What does one do with this money? Who determines who gets to have this money? Whose money is it anyway?
And then presto, just like that! It came to the great alien mind that only an alien could imagine, mind you, that this so-called great advanced civilization on Earth is nothing more than a charade and a farce that is driven home by the other group, the self-appointed ‘morality’ police called the media. Gosh, what will those earthlings dream up next to try to delude themselves?!
Wait. That’s not the end of the story of the alien who came to spend summer on Earth. The alien discovers that there is a thing called a time machine on Earth. And all you have to do to travel backwards and forwards in time is this thing called “an imagination”. But then it is discovered that this precious gift has been turned into a commodity by the media, thus taking the earthlings’ one great claim to fame in the Universe (unlike the aliens), their ability to understand their existence, and bringing it down to the level of a box of tampons, or Viagra, and antacids and pain relievers.
And so perhaps then the earthlings great media machine begins to fall apart on its own. First it was Farah Fawcett, then Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson, and now Walter Cronkite. And who knows who is next. Maybe it will be Ted Kennedy who kicks the bucket, another great humanist who took on causes far greater than his own mortal power right after he also used his power to cover up the fact that he had killed his girlfriend by drowning her in Chappaquiddick. Uh oh, an inconvenient truth moment. And the earthlings believe him to be a good man because the media tells them so. Just like right now during the alien’s summer on Earth when this should have been downtime for the vacationing alien, Walter Cronkite died. And the media went nuts over it saying how great he was – - and by the way did you find out that he was not on the side of America during the Vietnam War. And it wasn’t because of his position on the war that mattered so much, but rather because he used the great earthling media machine to become the President of the United States. And yet nobody voted for him! Wow. Such a deal. Aliens could never get away with shit like that because number one, they are too smart, and number two, they used to play like this when they were kids: How to trick an alien with a stupid electronic box.
Now, just a bit of background here lest we digress in our summer vacation dissertation. The deal about the President of the United States (POTUS for short) is that it too has evolved from being the great majestic vessel upon which is poured all the wisdom of the United States into what is nothing more than a media event. There are staging and props and lines to be read and the right outfit to adorn oneself in and so on and so forth. And then there are “interest groups”, aka the ones who fork over the big bucks to produce this big show, and there are even . . . get this, ways to spend money without having it! And then the people thought that, wow, this interesting. You mean we don’t have to really pay for anything? You mean, everyone can live just like the POTUS? Really? Everybody? And you just print money? Just like that?! Really?
Really. Just like that.
And then the earthling gods went silent because partly they had never heard of such a thing before and secondly it just sounded too good for the manner in which nonsense like this is so professionally produced. It’s just too tempting a story not to run with: How to become well off by printing things on tiny pieces of paper. But the god of MSNBC said nothing about the fact that the people who are paying for these little pieces of paper are mass murderers of other earthlings, called Communist Chinese, or CC for short. They turned their attention away from the big CC story, and instead they created a controversy out of thin air about earthlings who pour water on another earthling’s head or just killing the earthling outright because they are killers of other earthlings, and many of them it turns out sell the body parts of the people they kill in return for money. Okay. Sounds fair enough. And eye for an eye still works in outer space, too. Except karma comes more swiftly there.
Meanwhile, the god of CNN dictated to his cohorts that they must continue to beat the drum of diversity in order to bend the attention away from the illogical nature of the earthling’s existence. They did this by showing that some earthlings are worse off than others, especially in the United States. Rumor has it that the goal of the god of CNN is to make everyone believe that all earthlings are subject to some kind of disparate treatment rule that says if your skin color is dark brown or black then you can do what is called “suing” somebody and collecting money for it. And if ones hair is curly or oily, then that helps tremendously. It has long been established by aliens that the god of CNN is really a Southern plantation owner who has been reincarnated or cryogenically frozen from the 1840’s, which according to earthlings of Southern U.S. heritage is one thousand eight hundred and forty years after the birth of their lord and savior, Elvis. In other words, diversity is another name for a media plantation.
But then during the alien’s big adventure this thing called “the shit” began to hit the earthlings so-called “fan”, which in some cases is a windmill if you are T. Boone Pickens. And then all these great and powerful people in the media started to suddenly up and die. Young, old, rich, poor, they started croaking in record numbers. And then earthlings started to actually read the bullshit these people said rather than be held captive to historical revisionism in the media. And the earthlings started to rise up and demand that this bullshit in the media stop or else they were all going to die from a collective aneurysm, or at least not be visited any more by aliens who might be the only ones in the Universe to actually be able to save them by teaching them a thing or two about higher intelligence. The aliens began to think about how interesting this is phenomenon truly is because where they come from shit like this just does not happen at all. People just aren’t that stupid to fall for the level of bullshit that earthlings endure on a daily basis.
And just like that, summer was over. All that could be heard on Earth any longer way, way out in space was ‘Mommie! Mommie! The liberals are dying!’
The aliens thought this to be a curious refrain. It was half joyous and half frightening. It was liberating and scary at the same time because for once the earthlings will have to start communicating with one another rather than rely on people who did it for them.
A faint voice could be heard from deep in outer space as the aliens curiously listened. ‘Now now, sweetheart. It will be okay. We’ll be better off for it. They lived and died to tell us the importance about how we need to think for ourselves.’
The moral of the story is that the media are (plural) pure evil, and they and only they are holding people back from becoming an advanced society. It is shameful that people must be taught this story over and over again because people actually know better. We often refer to the media in the singular sense, because in our opinion they are all one in the same in terms of what their goal is, which is to make money from controlling people and their thoughts.
-TDN
By the way, a nice weekend to you all. I hope everyone is enjoying some nice weather and some R&R. Me and the Head Nigga in Charge were wondering why we never get any comments from y’all any more. We’re either that good or that bad, or maybe everybody just goes ‘This shit is tired. Now everybody’s talking about the media.’ Whatever the deal is, we would sure appreciate it if some of y’all would drop us a line and let us know what’s going on out there. You gotta know that it’s tough working at this place. The massa over in the media never lets us get out of the field for one minute. We’re always He just sends the Head Nigga in Charge out to us here in the field to give us some ice water.
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